One thing I am constantly reminded of in this lifetime, is that our body is a marvelous intelligence system all of it’s own. It tells us when we are out of alignment, we we are going the wrong way, when someone is not right for us, it speaks to us through the subtle sensations we feel, yet so often we ignore it.
The biggest testiment of my faith has come from learning to trust my body, to listen with a close loving ear at all costs, and to let her tell me when to stop, when to move, when someone is not right, when someone is aligned, and to be the guiding force that moves me.
Yet somewhere along the way, I checked healing my body off the list and I slowly began to fall away from her, leaving her speaking without anyone to listen. Illness, mentally, physically, emotionally - in any degree, is our bodies, trying to get our attention that we have been moving in the wrong way. We have been resisting the path that which seeks us in this life.
Lately, by body has cried out to me louder and louder slowing me down. Gut candida, my liver trying it’s best to purge toxins and me still trying to run a marathon so-to-speak. Until I couldn’t anymore. Until it stopped me dead in my tracks. I’ve looked eight months pregnant, my skin is literally shedding layers, I’ve been dead exhausted and sleeping tons, i’ve felt emotional as hell and I realized….. this is what I’ve avoided, this is what I’ve avoided by trying to do more, stay busy, and distract myself. It’s accumulated within me until i’ve reached a point where my sensitive body was keeling over in exhaust. When i’m forced to slow down, i’m forced to face the months, years, decades, lifetimes worth of things that i’ve been running from, or that which has been missing that i’ve been trying to run to.
A few years ago, I would have looked at myself in disgust, I would have kicked myself while I was down. I would have thought I was less worthy and deserving of love to look this way, I would have created the story that “i’m always sick”, I would have told myself I’m ugly, fat, lazy, stupid, all the names in the book they would leak into my mind coming from my own self. I don’t know if there is a bigger crime than that. For your body to be desperately trying to help you, meanwhile you continue to poison it further.
I’ve struggled my whole life with feeling seen, heard, and valued. I learned in childhood it didn’t matter what I said, unless I yelled it. I was sensitive as hell, but too sensitive for life, so I became guarded instead, reserved, walled up, and distanced myself from people. I learned I couldn’t ever make true friends, because I was too different, too weird, I didn’t fit in. Later on when I tried, I was again “too fat”, “not pretty enough”, “not rich enough”, “didn’t wear the right brand of clothes”, “didn’t live in a big enough house”, “wasn’t good enough at this sport”……
I realized that is where the cycle continued for me, of trying to make myself small by trying to do more, become more, be more. When left with empty space I would rush around trying to fill the void. When I was alone, I thought it was because I was being shunned from the world. Yet, I somehow someway in what seems like a blink of an eye have arrived at a space where I value the quiet stillness of being alone. I no longer try to convince someone I am worthy of being in a relationship, I no longer try to make them stay through trying to fit the mold of what I assume they like.
Relationships, particularly the one to myself, has been one of the most difficult lessons of my karmic life in this period. They’ve come and go and I could do nothing but try to make them stay. I put my worth in others and I didn’t think for myself. I lost who I was in a world convinced I should be someone else, something else. I lost my voice in a world that told me it wasn’t worthy of being heard. I lost my self image in a world that didn’t see me and love me what I was.
So I learned to try harder, do more, buy more, make more, show up more. I developed a codependent anxious attachment to everything around me, reliant on it as a defining factor of my worth. Without it, I was lost. Without it, I had no idea who I was, and even more so, what I was actually worth.
Even in a more conscious space, what I would have said was totally aligned, over the past couple years, I realize now I have been in a state of toxic productivity. Whenever there was space in my schedule, whether it be thirty minutes or ten minutes, I’d try to do more. I would try to search for the next thing to create, the next thing to produce, the next thing to write. Until I was hit, by my body, driving my down. Telling me, this isn’t the path for me, and reminding me once more that here in my body is where I needed to be, here in myself is my worth.
Lately, my body has reminded me of the power and potential of love. Yet also the sacredness of being human. We get preoccupied with star seed races, aliens, cosmic influences, planets, and all the things that are farthest away from where we are, because it makes life more easily tolerable. It makes life seem less mundane, yet when we escape to that space, when we become hyper fixated on goddesses, guides, and god, universes, angels, and more, we are simply still not in our power, we are too afraid to consult our inner wisdom and we are still assigning the knowing outside of ourselves. When we perpetually rely on something outside of ourselves whether it be people, work, relationships, body image, clothes, money, cars, or it be spirituality, gods, spirit guides, and deities, we continuously tell ourselves we do not know best, we do not know the answers, we loose sight of the wisdom… the wisdom that comes from being in a body. There is this constant and huge misconception in the spiritual space that we are not our bodies, yet, my body reminds me time and time again that is the form in which we are in this lifetime and is thus required to anchor into to embody our purpose within the divine structure of the cosmic interrelations within this world and on this planet during this time. I cannot begin to say how many times in this spiritual space I have encountered clients and self-proclaimed gurus, masters, shamans, and healers encouraging the detachment from the body and the enveloping into spirit form. Yet all is lost in this life if we leave the body behind. The body is the vessel and the vehicle for our current timeline. The body is the temple in which holds all that we are now, no we are not JUST the body, but yes we are the body. It is time for us to see that the body is not here to be transcended and in fact that is where we remain most disconnected. The mission in which we all came to progress towards is the ability to hold the container of higher knowledge within the sacred essence of this human form, to which we bow and in which we favor that we are here in this body and that this is who we are. We often in a spiritual space say that the body is limited, yet miss the expansiveness that it holds. The body is expansive far beyond other forms, yet we often overlook this. You cannot hear sound, dance, sing, create, laugh, feel love, hear love, express love, you cannot feel pleasure, taste pleasure, and experience the full body enthrallment that comes with our current form on ANY other planet, and beyond this structure. We incarnate because that in itself is far more enjoyable to have a third dimensional sight, sought, taste, touch experience that moves beyond simple vibrations and energy waves into full colored form. We take it for granite. Yet, we came to experience it in just this way. We seek out our old senses through psychic ways of interpreting energy, yet, we came to embrace our human senses more than anything. They are a gift. We are a gift. Being human is the PURPOSE, the body is THE BLESSING. Integration into higher consciousness is not transcending the damn body, it is not opening your intuitive psychic gifts, it is not pulling your past life into the present, it is not channeling other sentient beings from other realms, it is not even being concerned with that, it is living so presently within the ebbs and flows of our human experiences and senses that we are tantalized with pleasure for the gift that this life brings. This planet is here before us and holds the lushest and more abundant colors, forms, shapes, experiences, sounds, tastes, and sensory perceptions than any other planet. Thats right. This is why we as souls are so eager to return, and then we get “homesick” …. even on other planets and in other life’s we have learned that home is a space and identity, yet it’s not. We are here to learn it is us, our heart’s, and in this life, those heart’s they beat, they flow blood, they are living, they are alive, they are tangible, physical, they are heard, they are held, they are life. The biggest misconception of spirituality comes with the idea that spirit lives outside of our human self. When in reality, spirit is the body and the human self. The more we commune with our human self and identity, the more spiritual we become in this space.
Our body is a powerful energetic and physical intelligence system that has the capacity to navigate you where you need to go and more. Not just in walking down the street, but in the answers, the awareness, the understanding you so wish to discover. Each moment, it is speaking to us. Each moment you have the choice to lean in a listen. Our body is our purpose, and it is gauged towards driving us down the path that makes us feel good, this path is our destiny, our dharma, our mission. When you are there it is not so much about the external forces in play, but rather the feeling within the body, how the body feels on a physical, emotional, and mental level. When you are mentally clear, emotionally blissed out, and physically energized and vital you understand you’re on the right path. Take one small deter away from that and you know where you have stepped off the path to your divinity. It is quite simple, yet, we focus everywhere else before we focus on ourselves in this form more often than not.
We feel bad, so we reach for things that make us feel worse? We wind ourselves further down this pathway of trying to grasp answers and understanding, which are right underneath our nose, literally. Being spiritual doesn’t require much, you already are doing it whether you are consciously aware or not, because all is comprised of spirit. Yet, being consciously human, requires it all. I’ve found that humanities greatest challenge is so much being spiritually inclined, we all have strong strong beliefs whether they are deemed “high vibe” or not really doesn’t matter. I’ve found the greatest challenge we all face, is actually in the act of being human, being in the here and now, listening to our bodies, following our feelings, trusting our feelings, nourishing our body, loving our bodies, loving the experience of being here in this form. The ability to accept that someone might be different in their expression in their body, they might dress different, they might sound different, they might speak different, yet they too seek a space where they can be loved in the form they are in. The greatest challenge I’ve learned my whole life, is being human, and feeling accepted in the body we are in, feeling connected in the body we are in.
When we disconnect from the body and we feel disconnected in our body from others from the world, that is when we are in trouble. When we disconnect from what our body is trying to tell us, that is when we become ill.. mentally, emotionally, and/or physically. That is when we strive to escape the body and the reality that is the present in the body even further through drinking, drugs, sex, tv, video games, toxic relationships. This is when we chase a high, that gives us the feeling that we are “alive” for a reason. Because when we are disconnected from our body, we loose that reason, we stray off the path of that realization and reason. We disconnect.
Yet the whole purpose of this form, this body, this life… it’s to connect, to experience, to take in life through the lenses of these physical senses. Psychic senses are great and natural. Yet, we vastly overlook the power of the human physical senses in which are the purpose of this lifetime. color, sound, taste, touch… what would you experience without these. What would life be like without the ability to perceive such things. Would you be alive at all? We take for granite the simplistic abilities of the body, because we search for something more, we are always searching for something more, because we have failed to see we are that something more.
When we listen to the body, you cannot be misled. When you trust the body you create a harmonistic relationship and bond between the body and the soul in which you naturally unify worlds within you. Illness is on the rise, autoimmune issues (the idea that your body attacks itself, yet it’s really the mind attacking the body), obesity, heart disease, stroke, even COVID, the flu, rare disorders, etc. It is all because we have been taught to live outside of our body, that it is not enough to just be in the body and to listen to the body. We have been taught it is wrong to listen to the body, we must trust the mind, the mind is fed illness through the misconceptions, pain, illusions, and distortion of the past world. When we connect to ourselves, when we accept our physical form, when we love our body, when we nourish our body, when we listen to it, when we move with the ways in which it guides us, when we sync with it at a soul level, a mental level, and a emotional level- this is alignment, and this is when vitality is a constant. We will remain sick, as long as we remain disconnected. We will remain searching outside of ourselves, until we learn to come into our selfs.
The biggest illusion of all is that we are spirit and not body. The biggest illusion I have fallen into is that I am of something else but not human. The misconception of disassociation and disconnection from the human realm, the 3-freaking-D, has been the most harmful lie I have soaked in. We incarnated in bodies for a purpose, and that purpose requires us to become one with the body. The body seems mundane and boring, it seems gross, ugly, and unattractive. Yet, within that body is the extension of eons of intelligence, that you’ve vastly overlooked.
The purpose of life is simple, be in your body, listen to the the body, trust the body, take care of the body. It will guide you. It has all the answers.
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