We spend most of our life trying to figure it out. We spend the other half trying not to fuck it up. Until we do.
Then we call it out. Someone else points it out, and we say “yeah that’s right I did the wrong thing, I messed up, I failed” and in that minute we give our power away and we are further from cracking the code of life than we were before.
Why? Because you’re not supposed to know everything all of the time.
You’re not supposed to be perfect.
You’re supposed to fuck up.
You’re here to make mistakes.
Because making mistakes is the only way you grow and to learn. And if you’re not failing, you’re not moving forward. You don’t move forward by following steps perfectly …. You fail forward! Yes, that's right. You have to fail and accept failure in order to move forward in life. Sounds backwards to everything anyone has ever told you right?
Life isn’t something to figure out and then try to act out perfectly.
Life is life.
It’s imperfect; and
The journey is finding your footing through that, and that doesn't come without tripping and falling a hundred times. And yet here we you, life by the throat, holding it captive screaming in its ear, “tell me your secrets, tell me it all, or else… “
Because you've forgotten. Because you're afraid, afraid of getting it “wrong”, of what others will say or think, of “failing”, of fucking it up, of making the wrong choice, of hurting that person, of getting hurt, or of loosing or …. ALL the other things down that rabbit hole.
And you feel pressure, guilt, shame, and humiliation when you don’t know, when you mess up, when you don’t get it right immediately…. You feel like a loser.
But in reality that’s the biggest opportunity for the growth, answers, awareness, up-level, and just about anything else you've been searching so desperately for.
Living… truly deeply living, takes courage. Courage to fuck up and be ok with it.
Bravery to accept yourself imperfectly and unapologetically even in those moments. Trust, trust that the lessons you’re learning are guiding you to exactly where you need to be in all moments at all times. And the ability to not give a fuck about what others say or think about you. A core so unshakable and grounded no hurricane could ever stir you.
Yeah. Profanity. Not professional. But it comes out when I’m most passionate. I’m not apologizing for that. I’m standing in it.
It’s not only ourselves we hold to this unruly expectation of perfectionism and life bottled into a step by step supposed fail proof formula that we cling to.
It’s this idea that when shit hits the fan, you have to as well. You go through a break up, you are overworked and underpaid and don’t know where to go next, you have a parent or loved one in failing health, you get in a car wreck, your kids are distant and seem to be going the “wrong way” in life so you take blame, your business failed, your partner and you have been distant but no one’s talking about it…. and sometimes, if you’re really alive, you have these things all going on at once. On top of it, you somehow have to find time to breathe, eat, get proper sleep, and do the 200 other agreements and commitments you signed up for in your day.
You say your life sucks. You say your life is a mess. You say life doesn’t work out for you. You say life hates you. You say this is too much. You say I can’t take this. You try to control it all. Then, in these moments you break. You think the worlds against you. You think something is wrong. You think, “what did I do to have all of this happen”. You have your tools, your Gurus, your therapy, you have your practices to help you, but nothing really helps in those moments when it all comes down. You take blame for life not adding up to the cookie cutter replica of what you were told life should be and how it would go.
I want to tell you a secret. A secret I’ve learned through my treacherous waves of life. When people hear my story, if I told you where I have been and what is going on around me right now, most people would ask how? How could you be so great when everything seems to be crumbling around you? And it’s because of this secret.
The secret is, I’ve become aware that life doesn’t fit in a box. The more you try to put it in a box, the more it rebels. The more you believe a certain situation or occurrence is wrong, the more tension builds. The secret is… are you ready for it?
Life isn’t meant to be controlled. Manifestation and Laws of the Universe aside. Yes, you’re a soul. But you’re not here to control life. You’re journey here wasn’t to realize that you’re a soul and to run away to the Universe and Cosmos, you’re mission was to learn to be human. To live.
What’s that entail? The deep lesson and practice, the greatest spiritual lesson of all time, that life is perfect … exactly. as. it. is. Regardless of what is happening, regardless of what is not happening, without conditions. Life is beautiful, in all moments. Life is a gift in all moments. Life is a teacher in all aspects. Life is the epitome of love.
Not that selective picture perfect love. True unconditional love. The love that stays whether there’s ups or downs, the love that gives more when the storms arrive and the mud splatters, the love that is patient when you are loosing your shit and cursing it’s name. Yeah, THAT love.
Love so great, it takes people lifetimes to get it, to see it, to understand it.
Love so imperfect it could never add up to the standards we have today; it could never make sense to anyone only using their brain.
Love so crazy, wild, imperfect, rough, amazing, vast, and great it could never be tamed to a primed and groomed exemplary model we seem to want to turn everything into today.
Life is THAT love. The secret to accessing that, is releasing judgment, releasing the belief that says this moment is bad and this moment is good, the secret is unconditionally loving yourself.
It’s about forgetting the “rules”. It’s about surrendering your idea of what it should be, or want it to be, or what it should look like…
It’s about embracing what is. As it is. When it is. Without trying to change it, or feeling that it’s not enough.
It’s about accepting that life, that YOU…
You are an unknown,
You are a vast ocean; and
You are constantly changing, growing, and evolving.
And wherever you are, however you are, or however you are not.
Is divine, and
Where you need to be and who you need to be. The secret is that Life is always perfect just as it is, in every moment, in every second, just as you are.
So stop. Stop driving yourself insane trying to “figure it out”. Stop shaming yourself when you don’t get it right the first time, or the second, or the eighth. Stop allowing others to guilt you into feeling less than because you couldn’t live up to an unlivable standard of perfection.
Stop trying to shame life. Stop playing God and thinking everything that happens around you, is on you. Stop trying to repaint every “crappy” situation into a Bob Ross step-by-step painting.
Because the life you’ve been looking for….
It’s not there.
The YOU you’ve been trying to be….
It’s definitely not found there either.
Make a mess. And don’t clean it up. Make mistakes. Fuck up. And then do it again. Fail. Then fail again. Then again. Because all of that, is your purpose.
Is a spiritual full embodied path,
Is the joy, and
Is being alive.
So are you trying to live a perfect life?
Or are you trying to actually be alive?