Embracing The Void
Since April I feel like I’ve met my inner child and watched her evolve and mature into who I am today. It feels like I’ve been moving through a new phase of my journey, a maturation of my knowing, my voice, and my gifts. We can certainly thank Saturn (and it’s still doing its work on me), but most of all I’ve continually thanked myself. Through this transformation, there’s been times when my inner child kicked, screamed, and acted erratically. There’s been times when the elder within me was too strict, too cold, and too serious. Yet now somewhere between April and this moment now, my inner child has taught my inner elder, and my inner elder has become my inner child. The symbiotic weaving of my past and future collide within the woman I stand here to be now. I’ve always felt like an old soul, but now I feel the wisdom of 12000 lifetimes through the slow patient essence of my voice. I’ve looked younger than my age, but now I see the essence of my inner child blossoming into the intuitive curiosity that guides me now, and moving away from the anxious impatience she had before. It’s a surreal experience to have all of yourself embodied within you in the present. It’s something that’s twisted my arm and my mind far past their limits, yet I’ve learned to surrender to the process, and I’ve developed patience with myself through it all. It’s changed me yet solidified who I truly am all at once, I don’t feel a urgency to search - or an endless stream of questions… there’s an eagerness to learn yet the knowing that I have all the answers. There’s an old self and a self I’ve yet to meet stirring within me creating who I am in this moment now. It’s driving me into a space where I’m no longer starving to get to the core of who I’m becoming before it’s fully developed, but rather sitting back in immense pride, and wild amazement for who is slowly revealing now. With each additional step forward, I’m in awe of who I am becoming, and yet there’s a deep appreciation rather than confusion, in the knowing that this version of myself may only be here for weeks, or months, a year—— before it’s time to shed my skin and unravel again, into a new version… because the journey is in the recreation rather than the destination. The destination is an illusion, that holds us from our evolution. Evolving is the greatest gift we have, and in the awareness that evolution is constant, the present moment becomes a fleeting miracle that we no longer wish to escape, but wish to savor and soak in regardless of where we are or what we are doing. In the present moment, we become the purpose of life itself, and when you glimpse into that space the questions no longer exist, the need to search, to have more, the waxing and waning of the mind, it’s all halted while we observe the pulse of life itself beating before us and through us. Then all becomes clear. With the essence of my inner child and my inner elder now holding hands, it’s revealed that life is the in-between. The space we so desperately try to escape. Between the space of birth and death comes the journey of it all. In the space of the in-between we discover who we really are.
Could you imagine reading just the beginning and the ending of a book? The more you resist the journey of the in-between the more you push away the purpose, the answers, and everything that you seek. We live in a space of instant results and gratification. For which if we do not see a beginning immediately after an ending, or if a beginning does not appear before an ending, we never step forward into our own evolution.
However, the moment you step into evolution knowingly embracing the in-between, is the moment you begin truly living, the moment you become the being, the moment you find yourself. That’s what I have found here. An unshakable secure, grounded, rooted self and deep soul wisdom, the self I’ve pushed away; the self I’ve gone searching for, the self I didn’t know was truly here. The self, the purpose, the answers I’ve been looking for, grasping for, starving for, was right in-between it all …. the space I’ve danced with but had never sat in until these past few months. I’ve swam into the depths of this in-between, and frankly sure when it is time for me to leave it, I will. But life feels more alive in this space. Love feels more extraordinary in this big forest of unknown. I feel more certainty in the uncertainty than I ever did in the guaranteed.
When you jump into the in-between, promise me you won’t hold your breath, promise me you’ll look fear in the eyes and say I know you’re not the truth. When you approach the in-between, don’t just jump in and run out….. jump in and keep swimming, jump in and sit in it. The twitches of trauma, discomfort, and the annoyance of your mind are inevitable….. but what emerges from within you once you move through it all is the life you’ve been dying to live. You find yourself and you find your life in this space. Be brave, have courage, and hold your faith close to your heart…. move as slow as you need, but please don’t resist the space in-between.
As we embark on this journey collectively into a unknown, into the uncertainty, there is one thing that is always certain, and it is YOU. Your heart, your soul, it is always certain of your destiny, journey, and process when you are truly aligned to it. When we feel the need to reach for control outside of ourselves that is when we seem to stumble, struggle, and become anxious. We search for answers as a means of control, yet the control comes from the embodiment of our hearts and inner truth. This time, this phase, and this energetic cycle is all about anchoring deeply into the truth that lives within all of us. That truth is unique to you, and it is birthed in the unknown. That truth flourishes and comes to life in the in-between, it grows, it builds, and becomes clearer and clearer in this space. The in-between is the real journey that you came to dive into, lick up, and roll around in. It is the divine vessel of the universal womb, the space where we BE-come. This space is where we meet our own existence, if we so dare to not run. So please, let yourself get comfortable, take up space within the void and let yourself anchor into your truth, let it build, let it grow, let yourself expand into your own existence. It is time, to step away from the edges of the beginning and let yourself embrace the rest of the story. You were never stuck, you are not stuck, you simply have just been rehearsing the part of the story you’ve known over and over again. But, your soul? Your soul is hungry for more. It longs for adventure, it longs for the surprises that life has to offer that arrive as we pull away from the edges of the comfortable and embrace the wide, vast, ocean of uncertainty. You are not lost. You are on your journey, your are in the presence of being found within this space. So it is time, for the collective, for the energy of the world today, to pull away from the infantile stages of our first beginnings and journey, journey within the great depths where life really begins, and where we emerge.